Poems

Some poems I wrote a while back. Bear in mind I'm not a poet, this was just me to trying desperetaly to expel some of what I was feeling on the inside.


That Night

I just can’t get that night

Out of my mind

I wish I could just

Leave the past behind

It needs to stop

This silent agony

I need to find a way

To set myself free

When I close my eyes

When I start to fall asleep

I can almost hear him

Laughing at me, knowing I’m weak

I can almost feel his hands

Touching and grabbing me

Demanding what is not his

Laughing at my quiet struggle to break free

I can almost taste him

As he forces my mouth and tongue

To pleasure him. Can almost hear him;

“Don’t stop until I’m done”

My breathing becomes harder

I’m fighting back the tears

I can hear him laughing

Even though it’s been years

I open my eyes

Stare at the ceiling

It was just a memory

When will I start healing?

It’s my dirty little secret

My only regret

I wasn’t strong enough to fight

My penance; I can no longer sleep at night.

Pain

I hurt myself;
When I'm filled with despair,
When my mind hurts so much,
When this pain I can no longer bear.

The physical pain helps me
To see it all through.
So hurting myself
Is the only thing I can do.

It's the pain in my head,
That's the real agony
So I turn to my knife;
It sets me free.

No one really understands,
So it remains a secret.
No one realises that the physical pain
Is my only outlet.

The knife cuts my skin,
The cig burns my arm,
These are the only things,
That will keep me calm.

The pain helps,
And wounds will heal,
But the blood is the only way,
To express what I feel.

I can't cry,
Or say I've given up,
That I wish to die.
So all I can do is cut.

Memories

His hands groping,
Feeling all over my body
I can't escape.
Oh God, why me?

His hands; they’re everywhere.
A tear rolls down my cheek
He laughs,
He knows I’m meek.

His breath, heavy on my face
I close my eyes, try to keep it out.
There's nothing I can do,
Can't even shout.

He's too strong,
He'll hurt me if I fight.
He says that if he wants,
He can do this all night.

He forces my hands, my mouth, on him,
Ignores my pleas.
Laughs again, his hands touching,
Sliding above my knees.

Finally, he's stopped, it's over.
But I have to live with it every day.
No amount of showers can wash the dirt away,
The fear disgust and shame is here to stay

Me