I've always thought that I wasn't any good at compartmentalising my life, but it turns out I am. I've just come off the phone with my new Police Liaison Officer (who seems like a lovely person). She's told me more about what will happen when I get to London. The lead Detective on the case (the kick-ass one that I really like), will be meeting me at the hotel so that I can re-read my statement. That's going to be pretty draining.
Then on Monday, I'll meet up with my PLO at 9.45am and enter the courthouse through the side door and be taken to the witness area. We will also find out for definite if my Mum has to testify, as at the minute it's looking like she is. She's obviously not looking forward to that.
So, I've just been told this. I could sit and digest it now and think 'holy crap, in 4 days I'll be in the courthouse'. Or I can get on with my life. I'm choosing the second option.
I have BSL class tonight and then I'm going out with a friend. Tonight is a night for me - and I'm going to have a great time. I can think about all of the other stuff tomorrow, or Saturday or Sunday. But not tonight. Tonight, I am a rape survivor, not a victim. Tonight I'm going to spend time with a good friend and have fun!
Thursday, 15 November 2012
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
Preparing myself
I've been having a bit of a down day today. I've done nothing I was meant to do, haven't been able to find the energy. The past few days I've been on a bit of a high as I was keeping myself very, very busy. But this morning when I woke up, I knew I was in a low.
I've had worse days. I've not had any flashbacks. I've not had any PTSD symptoms. I just feel down. Think I've run out of energy and my mind is saying; 'ENOUGH, you're going to go through something horrible on Monday, stop burying your head in the sand and DEAL WITH IT. You need to prepare yourself. Running around making yourself exhausted is not the way to go. Figure out your emotions, walk through what will happen in your mind, prepare yourself as best as you can. STOP PRETENDING you're okay, because you're not, you're worried. DEAL WITH IT.'
So, today I'm dealing with it. I'm imagining what will happen. On Sunday we'll drive down to London. I'll probably sleep most of the way. When we arrive in our hotel, I'll try and make myself at home in my room. I'm going to bring some pictures with me, because I know that after Monday, I'll want to return to a place that feels safe and familiar. I doubt I'll get any sleep Sunday evening.
Monday, I'll have to be up bright and early. I'll shower, get dressed, try and eat something. Then we'll drive to the court house, where I will meet up with my Police Liaison Officer (who I have never met, as the guy that was my PLO for the duration of the investigation has retired). I'll enter the court house through the side entrance and sit and wait in the witness area. I'll try and read the book that I brought with me. I'll look out the window. I'll pace around. I won't want to talk to anyone. I'll try and write some (bad) poetry. I'll keep checking the clock, until finally, I'm called to testify.
Then I will walk in to the empty courtroom, where a curtain will be put around me in the witness box. The court room will fill up with the jury, lawyers, people in the gallery, and him. First the prosecution will question me. Then the defense will question me, and try to make me out to be the perpetrator and not the victim. I will probably break down and cry. Once the questioning has finished, everyone will leave the court room, then I will leave the courtroom and go back to the witness area, and wait to be called up again.
In the witness room, I will probably cry a bit and be in shock from what just happened. I will probably be very shaken. I'll try and eat something, if I can stomach anything. I won't want to talk to or touch anyone. I know that will be difficult for my parents, they will want to comfort me. But I will have just re-lived 5 years of sexual abuse, and will not want to be touched.
We will go back to our hotel. I'll probably withdraw in to myself, as I try and process all that has happened. I'll go to my room and calm myself down. I'll probably be exhausted so will want to sleep. I'll need to factor food in at some point, if I can stomach it. Then the whole thing will be repeated on Tuesday. I will also probably be chain smoking the entire time.
Okay.
Okay.
That's not too bad. Nowhere in my scenario will I run in to him - precautions have been made, that will not happen. Yes, the defense will try and break me. But I've been broken before, and I've rebuilt myself from scratch - I'm a pretty damn strong woman now, and whatever s/he says won't break me. They are only words, s/he is only doing his/her job. I am safe, I will not be physically attacked. Yes, s/he will try and trip me up and make out that it was my fault that I was sexually abused. But I can deal with that. I'm strong.
I can do this. I will do this.
I'm not a trusting child, or a frightened teenager. I am a strong woman that is facing up to the demons of my past. And I'll be damned if he ever breaks me again.
I've had worse days. I've not had any flashbacks. I've not had any PTSD symptoms. I just feel down. Think I've run out of energy and my mind is saying; 'ENOUGH, you're going to go through something horrible on Monday, stop burying your head in the sand and DEAL WITH IT. You need to prepare yourself. Running around making yourself exhausted is not the way to go. Figure out your emotions, walk through what will happen in your mind, prepare yourself as best as you can. STOP PRETENDING you're okay, because you're not, you're worried. DEAL WITH IT.'
So, today I'm dealing with it. I'm imagining what will happen. On Sunday we'll drive down to London. I'll probably sleep most of the way. When we arrive in our hotel, I'll try and make myself at home in my room. I'm going to bring some pictures with me, because I know that after Monday, I'll want to return to a place that feels safe and familiar. I doubt I'll get any sleep Sunday evening.
Monday, I'll have to be up bright and early. I'll shower, get dressed, try and eat something. Then we'll drive to the court house, where I will meet up with my Police Liaison Officer (who I have never met, as the guy that was my PLO for the duration of the investigation has retired). I'll enter the court house through the side entrance and sit and wait in the witness area. I'll try and read the book that I brought with me. I'll look out the window. I'll pace around. I won't want to talk to anyone. I'll try and write some (bad) poetry. I'll keep checking the clock, until finally, I'm called to testify.
Then I will walk in to the empty courtroom, where a curtain will be put around me in the witness box. The court room will fill up with the jury, lawyers, people in the gallery, and him. First the prosecution will question me. Then the defense will question me, and try to make me out to be the perpetrator and not the victim. I will probably break down and cry. Once the questioning has finished, everyone will leave the court room, then I will leave the courtroom and go back to the witness area, and wait to be called up again.
In the witness room, I will probably cry a bit and be in shock from what just happened. I will probably be very shaken. I'll try and eat something, if I can stomach anything. I won't want to talk to or touch anyone. I know that will be difficult for my parents, they will want to comfort me. But I will have just re-lived 5 years of sexual abuse, and will not want to be touched.
We will go back to our hotel. I'll probably withdraw in to myself, as I try and process all that has happened. I'll go to my room and calm myself down. I'll probably be exhausted so will want to sleep. I'll need to factor food in at some point, if I can stomach it. Then the whole thing will be repeated on Tuesday. I will also probably be chain smoking the entire time.
Okay.
Okay.
That's not too bad. Nowhere in my scenario will I run in to him - precautions have been made, that will not happen. Yes, the defense will try and break me. But I've been broken before, and I've rebuilt myself from scratch - I'm a pretty damn strong woman now, and whatever s/he says won't break me. They are only words, s/he is only doing his/her job. I am safe, I will not be physically attacked. Yes, s/he will try and trip me up and make out that it was my fault that I was sexually abused. But I can deal with that. I'm strong.
I can do this. I will do this.
I'm not a trusting child, or a frightened teenager. I am a strong woman that is facing up to the demons of my past. And I'll be damned if he ever breaks me again.
Monday, 12 November 2012
7 days
Time seems to be moving very quickly. It seems like just yesterday that I was waiting for news on when the trial will be. Now, the trial is only a week away.
I'm getting more and more anxious the closer it gets. Sleeping has become extremely difficult. I'm having horrible nightmares and often wake up several times during the night. I wake up with a start, with my heart pounding. It takes me several minutes for my breathing to go back to normal and to realise that I'm in no danger, that I'm safe in my bed. Once awake, it then takes a while for me to get back to sleep. Once I do finally manage to get back to sleep, I'm soon stuck in another nightmare and find myself waking up again. It's a never-ending cycle of nightmares, waking up and calming myself, falling back asleep and having another nightmare.
This all means that during the day, I'm absolutely exhausted.
I have a busy week this week. I've purposefully crammed as much in this week as I can, as I find that whenever I have a spare few moments, my thoughts drift to the upcoming trial. There are several things that I worry about. I worry about the defense questioning me, and making it appear as if I, at 12 years old, wanted to be abused. I'm worried that they'll twist my words, that they'll fire question after question and I'll break down on the stand. I'm worried about running in to him, even though I know ever precaution possible will be taken so that I won't see him - I come in through a different entrance, I'll remain in a different part of court that is for witnesses only, I won't even go to the cafeteria. But still, I worry. I worry that the jury won't believe me. I worry that at the last minute my case will be dropped. I worry that he will be found not guilty. I worry a lot at the minute.
I wish more than anything that my best friend was here.
So, there's a lot on my mind at the minute. I'm coping by taking each day as it comes. Today I went shopping for Christmas presents (which was quite difficult, as my best friend loved Christmas, and I loved shopping for her Christmas present). Tomorrow I'm sorting through my room and clothes, and packing up anything I don't use/want/wear. On Wednesday I'm sorting out everything that needs to be done for my Murder Mystery party - there's a surprising amount of work involved in setting it all up. On Thursday I'll be doing work for my British Sign Language class, and then go to the class in the evening. On Friday I'll be doing more work for the murder mystery party as well as going out for a friend's birthday in the evening. On Saturday I'm having my hair done and packing my bag. On Sunday I'm going down to London. And on Monday the trial starts.
Keeping busy is the key. Because if I'm not busy, my mind races with all the possible things that could go wrong next week. Unfortunately, keeping myself busy whilst surviving on very little sleep means I'm completely shattered. And that means that I'm wound up pretty tight at the minute - I'm bursting in to tears over the smallest thing. Which is very unlike me - I don't usually cry very easily. My PTSD is also pretty bad at the minute; I'm jumping and flinching at everything, I'm very anxious and afraid, and flashbacks are quite frequent at the minute.
So, emotions are running high, and energy is running low, and sleep is almost non-existent.
I will be glad when next week is over.
I'm getting more and more anxious the closer it gets. Sleeping has become extremely difficult. I'm having horrible nightmares and often wake up several times during the night. I wake up with a start, with my heart pounding. It takes me several minutes for my breathing to go back to normal and to realise that I'm in no danger, that I'm safe in my bed. Once awake, it then takes a while for me to get back to sleep. Once I do finally manage to get back to sleep, I'm soon stuck in another nightmare and find myself waking up again. It's a never-ending cycle of nightmares, waking up and calming myself, falling back asleep and having another nightmare.
This all means that during the day, I'm absolutely exhausted.
I have a busy week this week. I've purposefully crammed as much in this week as I can, as I find that whenever I have a spare few moments, my thoughts drift to the upcoming trial. There are several things that I worry about. I worry about the defense questioning me, and making it appear as if I, at 12 years old, wanted to be abused. I'm worried that they'll twist my words, that they'll fire question after question and I'll break down on the stand. I'm worried about running in to him, even though I know ever precaution possible will be taken so that I won't see him - I come in through a different entrance, I'll remain in a different part of court that is for witnesses only, I won't even go to the cafeteria. But still, I worry. I worry that the jury won't believe me. I worry that at the last minute my case will be dropped. I worry that he will be found not guilty. I worry a lot at the minute.
I wish more than anything that my best friend was here.
So, there's a lot on my mind at the minute. I'm coping by taking each day as it comes. Today I went shopping for Christmas presents (which was quite difficult, as my best friend loved Christmas, and I loved shopping for her Christmas present). Tomorrow I'm sorting through my room and clothes, and packing up anything I don't use/want/wear. On Wednesday I'm sorting out everything that needs to be done for my Murder Mystery party - there's a surprising amount of work involved in setting it all up. On Thursday I'll be doing work for my British Sign Language class, and then go to the class in the evening. On Friday I'll be doing more work for the murder mystery party as well as going out for a friend's birthday in the evening. On Saturday I'm having my hair done and packing my bag. On Sunday I'm going down to London. And on Monday the trial starts.
Keeping busy is the key. Because if I'm not busy, my mind races with all the possible things that could go wrong next week. Unfortunately, keeping myself busy whilst surviving on very little sleep means I'm completely shattered. And that means that I'm wound up pretty tight at the minute - I'm bursting in to tears over the smallest thing. Which is very unlike me - I don't usually cry very easily. My PTSD is also pretty bad at the minute; I'm jumping and flinching at everything, I'm very anxious and afraid, and flashbacks are quite frequent at the minute.
So, emotions are running high, and energy is running low, and sleep is almost non-existent.
I will be glad when next week is over.
Friday, 9 November 2012
Today
Today is my best friend's birthday. She would be 26. Today should be a day of celebration. Today is a day of mourning, of remembering the beautiful person that she was.
She was my best friend, and I often wonder what I'd done so right in my life to have such an amazing best friend as her. She had a wicked sense of humour and a mischievous twinkle in her eye. I have so many memories of us together, laughing. She would come out with the most hilarious expressions that would have everyone in stitches.
She was extremely smart and knew what she wanted. Once she was convinced of something, there was no changing her mind. She could be very stubborn. We would often have heated debates, sometimes over a glass of wine, sometimes in the middle of a coffee shop.
No matter what she was going through, she was always there for her family and friends.
Every day without her is difficult. She was an amazing person and I'm so incredibly thankful to have had her in my life. I can't even begin to describe how painful and difficult life without her is. Every day without her is painful, it's a pain that runs deep and won't ever go away, it's a pain that tears at your very being.
The world has lost it's colour, the world is a darker place without her in it.
Today I bought a birthday card & some flowers, and put them in my church. Today, like every day, I talked to my best friend. Today I wished her a happy birthday.
I would give anything to talk to her, to hear her laugh, to hug her just one more time. But I can't, because Heaven has gained an angel.
Today is my best friend's birthday.
Happy Birthday Tinkerbell.
She was my best friend, and I often wonder what I'd done so right in my life to have such an amazing best friend as her. She had a wicked sense of humour and a mischievous twinkle in her eye. I have so many memories of us together, laughing. She would come out with the most hilarious expressions that would have everyone in stitches.
She was extremely smart and knew what she wanted. Once she was convinced of something, there was no changing her mind. She could be very stubborn. We would often have heated debates, sometimes over a glass of wine, sometimes in the middle of a coffee shop.
No matter what she was going through, she was always there for her family and friends.
Every day without her is difficult. She was an amazing person and I'm so incredibly thankful to have had her in my life. I can't even begin to describe how painful and difficult life without her is. Every day without her is painful, it's a pain that runs deep and won't ever go away, it's a pain that tears at your very being.
The world has lost it's colour, the world is a darker place without her in it.
I know that the best way to honour her is to live my life, because she was so full of life and was determined to make the most of hers. Which she did - she truly made the most of her life, and she inspired so many people, she really was an angel on earth. But honouring her does not make the pain go away or any more bearable.
Today I bought a birthday card & some flowers, and put them in my church. Today, like every day, I talked to my best friend. Today I wished her a happy birthday.
I would give anything to talk to her, to hear her laugh, to hug her just one more time. But I can't, because Heaven has gained an angel.
Today is my best friend's birthday.
Happy Birthday Tinkerbell.
Monday, 5 November 2012
2 weeks
In exactly two weeks the trial will start. I'm getting more and more nervous. I'm worried about the defense lawyer interrogating me. I'm worried the jury won't believe me and he'll get off. I'm just worried.
I'm also angry. There wasn't enough evidence to charge him with my rape, instead he's being charged for sexual abuse spanning 5 years. It should be him that's worried about the trial, not me. As a rape victim, my past will be put on trial, not his. And I find that unbelievable. It frustrates and angers me. And it terrifies me. What will the defense say? That at at 12 years old I wanted it? From what I've heard, this is exactly what the defense says. And a lot of the time the jury believes them.
So yes, I'm terrified. I'm also ill at the moment. It is the worst possible time to be ill. I need to have all my wits about me for the trial, I can't afford to be ill at the trial. So off to the doctor's I go. Let's hope that I'm better in a few weeks.
The trial is constantly on my mind. Which means that what he did to me is constantly on my mind. It's making me tired, scared and drained. But I've found something else to take my mind off it. I'm hosting a murder mystery part on the Saturday after the trial for my birthday. I'm throwing myself in to organising it, as it helps to take my mind off it. It also gives me something to look forward to. I'm dreading the trial, but I'm looking forward to my party.
And I know that no matter what happens at the trial, no matter what the results are (which I should find out on the Friday), I'm going to have a great party and have fun. I'm going to move on with my life, and I'm going to enjoy my life.
He took my innocence and my childhood. I'll be damned if he's taking the rest of my life as well.
I'm also angry. There wasn't enough evidence to charge him with my rape, instead he's being charged for sexual abuse spanning 5 years. It should be him that's worried about the trial, not me. As a rape victim, my past will be put on trial, not his. And I find that unbelievable. It frustrates and angers me. And it terrifies me. What will the defense say? That at at 12 years old I wanted it? From what I've heard, this is exactly what the defense says. And a lot of the time the jury believes them.
So yes, I'm terrified. I'm also ill at the moment. It is the worst possible time to be ill. I need to have all my wits about me for the trial, I can't afford to be ill at the trial. So off to the doctor's I go. Let's hope that I'm better in a few weeks.
The trial is constantly on my mind. Which means that what he did to me is constantly on my mind. It's making me tired, scared and drained. But I've found something else to take my mind off it. I'm hosting a murder mystery part on the Saturday after the trial for my birthday. I'm throwing myself in to organising it, as it helps to take my mind off it. It also gives me something to look forward to. I'm dreading the trial, but I'm looking forward to my party.
And I know that no matter what happens at the trial, no matter what the results are (which I should find out on the Friday), I'm going to have a great party and have fun. I'm going to move on with my life, and I'm going to enjoy my life.
He took my innocence and my childhood. I'll be damned if he's taking the rest of my life as well.
Sunday, 21 October 2012
29 days
The trial starts on the 19th November. 29 days from now. I'm dreading it and want it to be over. I've been having a lot of nightmares recently as well. I think the closer the trial gets, the more difficulty I'll have sleeping. Which isn't great, considering I have enough trouble sleeping as it is!
I'm dreading going on the stand and giving evidence. I'm dreading being cross-examined by the defense. I know that I will be put on trial, not him. (That makes sense, right? I mean, if someone was robbed then the victim would definitely be put on trial, not the robber...) Anyway.
There is some good news though - the university has granted me my concession! This means that I can start year 2 again in October 2013. Fantastic news. I had been quite worried that they would tell me that I would have to start from first year, or that I had to drop out altogether. Can't fault my uni - they've been amazing. Am SO pleased I can go back next year.
Even though I'm not at university, I've been going back to visit my friends. I don't live to far, so it's easy enough to travel down to see them. I definitely miss the social side of being at university, but I know that there is no way that I could be studying right now. I really wanted to, I didn't want to take another year out. But it really is for the best - hopefully in a year's time I'll have managed to put this behind me and really be able to focus on my studying.
Next Tuesday one of the colleges at university will be showing the documentary "I Never Said Yes" in the evening. It looks to be a very good documentary, with the reporter interviewing rape victims as well as those in authority about how the system is failing rape victims. I think it will be difficult to watch, but I'm also looking forward to it. I hope it's good - and I hope people turn up to see it.
I'm dreading going on the stand and giving evidence. I'm dreading being cross-examined by the defense. I know that I will be put on trial, not him. (That makes sense, right? I mean, if someone was robbed then the victim would definitely be put on trial, not the robber...) Anyway.
There is some good news though - the university has granted me my concession! This means that I can start year 2 again in October 2013. Fantastic news. I had been quite worried that they would tell me that I would have to start from first year, or that I had to drop out altogether. Can't fault my uni - they've been amazing. Am SO pleased I can go back next year.
Even though I'm not at university, I've been going back to visit my friends. I don't live to far, so it's easy enough to travel down to see them. I definitely miss the social side of being at university, but I know that there is no way that I could be studying right now. I really wanted to, I didn't want to take another year out. But it really is for the best - hopefully in a year's time I'll have managed to put this behind me and really be able to focus on my studying.
Next Tuesday one of the colleges at university will be showing the documentary "I Never Said Yes" in the evening. It looks to be a very good documentary, with the reporter interviewing rape victims as well as those in authority about how the system is failing rape victims. I think it will be difficult to watch, but I'm also looking forward to it. I hope it's good - and I hope people turn up to see it.
Monday, 8 October 2012
Rape Jokes
Not so long ago, a friend of mine,
Elin Box, wrote an article (link can be found at the end of this blog) about
rape jokes. It’s something I’ve been
thinking about for quite a while.
Unsurprisingly, I have a lot to say about this topic. (Note: I’m talking about rape jokes that are
offensive to rape victims, not rape jokes that highlight what’s wrong with our
attitude towards rape.) But first, let
me tell you about an experience I had with rape jokes as a fresher at
university.
I was sitting with a group of
people – as it was the first term, we were all just starting to get to know
each other. Most of those people have
turned out to be really great friends, but at the time we were pretty much
strangers to each other. One of the guys
started to make rape jokes. Everyone laughed,
or rolled their eyes. I was extremely
uncomfortable. At this point, I had only
told one person at university that I had been raped. Rape joke after rape joke was told. Even though they had no idea that I had been
raped, I felt humiliated. Being sexually
abused and rape was a huge trauma, one that I’m still recovering from. It was painful, it was humiliating, it was
terrifying. And here someone was, making
jokes about rape and rape victims; about me.
Luckily, the friend that I had told saw my discomfort and told the joker
to stop, which he did.
A lot of people don’t see what
the big deal is about rape jokes. It’s
all just for fun, after all, they would never actually rape someone. But it is a big deal. It undermines the seriousness of rape – and in
a society where we often blame the woman for being raped (unless she’s a virgin
that dresses like a nun), rape really doesn’t need to be undermined any
further.
How do we blame the women, you
ask? If a woman was wearing revealing
clothes, she was obviously asking for it.
If a woman accepted a drink from a man, she was obviously asking for
it. If a woman walked home alone at
night, she was obviously asking for it.
We live in a country that is great at victim blaming, which results in
83% of women not to report their rape to the police. And even when they do go to the police, they
run the risk of not being believed, or are made to believe that it was somehow
their fault. A man (often stronger than
they are) overpowers you, you fear for your life, his penis is forced inside
you, yet somehow it is still your fault.
Because we all know that ‘no’ actually means ‘yes’.
(Just on a side note – to all
those people that say a woman dressing provocatively was asking for it. She may have been looking for sex, but is it
still not up to her to choose WHO she has sex with?)
So, back to rape jokes. Most people say they would never tell a rape
joke to a rape victim as that would be in bad taste. I ask you – how do you know if someone has
been raped or not? 1 in 10 women have
been raped or sexually abused in the UK (the actual number is probably higher,
as many women do not admit to being raped).
So if you’re telling a rape joke, chances are a rape victim is within
earshot. This will probably make her
(or him) feel humiliated, as it did with me.
One of the most traumatic events (if not THE most traumatic event) of
her life, being openly belittled, made fun of and joked about as if it’s not a big deal,
as if it didn’t almost destroy her.
There’s also another angle that
most people don’t consider. What do rape
jokes say to rapists? That really, it’s
no big deal. I know most men wouldn’t
rape anyone – but not all men. Some men
would rape and have raped. Hearing rape
jokes might give them the impression that what they did really isn’t such a big
deal. It’s just fodder for jokes. No biggie.
Sure, it’s a crime, but it’s not really a big deal – especially since my
mates down the pub make fun of rape victims, so they think the same way that I
do; rape isn’t a big deal. As someone pointed
out (sorry, can’t remember the actual source) ‘women are always the butt of the
jokes, never the perpetrator’. What does
it say about our society that we would rather make rape victims feel
uncomfortable than the rapist, that we would rather side with rapist in mocking
and degrading women, than respecting women?
Some people will still have a
problem with me having a problem with rape jokes. First, ask yourselves whether you're laughing at a joke, or at the idea of rape. Why is it so important for you to
make jokes about the degradation of women?
Why is it absolutely necessary for you to mock a painful & traumatic
event? Freedom of speech? Or the need to justify the feelings that you
have deep down – that women are beneath men and deserve having a penis forced
in to them?
Right at the beginning of this
entry, I said how some rape jokes are okay.
I know some people may be confused about this. An example of a rape joke that I personally
think highlights society’s view of rape:
- We need more rape jokes. We really do. Needless to say, rape, the most heinous crime imaginable, is a comic's dream. It's because, it seems, when you do rape jokes, that the material is so dangerous and edgy. The truth is, it's the safest area to talk about in comedy because who's gonna complain about a rape joke? Rape victims? They don't even report rape. - Sarah Silverman
Some rape victims and sexual
abuse survivors also make rape jokes. To
them, it can be cathartic. I have been
known to use humour when talking about my rape.
For instance, I was talking with my cousin who said he didn’t really
know how to talk to me about the rape. I
laughed and said “you can just imagine this in a sitcom couldn’t you? Two people sitting on a couch in
uncomfortable silence until one of them finally, awkwardly says, “so…. You were
raped…”
Admittedly, it’s not very funny,
but humour can help to put people – myself included – at ease. There can be great power in some rape jokes,
as Elissa Bassist said; “Rape jokes can be empowering. They could help you reclaim control when you’ve
lost something you’ll never get back, or has been damaged beyond repair.”
And a few example of rape which I
think make fun of the seriousness of rape and/or make fun of the rape victim (I
would like to ask you to picture yourself telling these jokes to a rape victim,
would you still find them funny then?):
- What do nine out of ten people enjoy? Gang rape.
- What is rape anyway, other than surprise sex?
- Ladies, look on the bright side. Being raped burns more calories than regular sex!
To end with, I would like to share with you a
quote from comedian Meghan O’Keefe, about the whole ‘Tosh rape joke incident’. (For those that don’t know – comedian Daniel
Tosh said that rape jokes are always funny, they’re hilarious etc. A woman in the audience shouted out that ‘rape
jokes are never funny’, to which Tosh replied ‘wouldn’t it be funny if you were
raped by like, five guys right now? Like
right now?’ The entire audience laughed
and she was humiliated. The girl’s
friend wrote about it on Tumblr and it soon went viral). Here’s the quote:
"If Tosh honestly thinks rape is funny... well, that's his opinion. That's his worldview. What's disturbing is that this is a worldview that is violent and that lacks empathy. What's even more disturbing is that he's not some unknown comic presenting an unpopular opinion. He's one of the most popular and beloved comic acts in the country. Which means that a huge percentage of our country thinks rape jokes are funny, but not because they admire Jeselnik's wordplay or Silverman's irony or Mulaney's empathetic juxtaposition. They think rape jokes are funny because they think the act of physically hurting and sexually dominating a woman against her will is funny.
And it's not. They're not laughing at a joke. They're laughing at the concept of rape. Rape is disturbing and horrible. It's one of the horrors that we should keep at bay with humour, not encourage. Right now, the woman who posted the complain about Tosh is receiving legitimate death and rape threats from his fans. So his "joke" didn't diffuse pain or horror - it sparked it."
"If Tosh honestly thinks rape is funny... well, that's his opinion. That's his worldview. What's disturbing is that this is a worldview that is violent and that lacks empathy. What's even more disturbing is that he's not some unknown comic presenting an unpopular opinion. He's one of the most popular and beloved comic acts in the country. Which means that a huge percentage of our country thinks rape jokes are funny, but not because they admire Jeselnik's wordplay or Silverman's irony or Mulaney's empathetic juxtaposition. They think rape jokes are funny because they think the act of physically hurting and sexually dominating a woman against her will is funny.
And it's not. They're not laughing at a joke. They're laughing at the concept of rape. Rape is disturbing and horrible. It's one of the horrors that we should keep at bay with humour, not encourage. Right now, the woman who posted the complain about Tosh is receiving legitimate death and rape threats from his fans. So his "joke" didn't diffuse pain or horror - it sparked it."
Sources:
Elissa
Bassist’s article: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/07/11/why-daniel-tosh-s-rape-joke-at-the-laugh-factory-wasn-t-funny.html
Megan
O’Keefe’s article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meghan-okeefe/daniel-tosh-rape-joke_b_1665121.html
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