2 weeks

In exactly two weeks the trial will start.  I'm getting more and more nervous.  I'm worried about the defense lawyer interrogating me.  I'm worried the jury won't believe me and he'll get off.  I'm just worried.

I'm also angry.  There wasn't enough evidence to charge him with my rape, instead he's being charged for sexual abuse spanning 5 years.  It should be him that's worried about the trial, not me.  As a rape victim, my past will be put on trial, not his.  And I find that unbelievable.  It frustrates and angers me.  And it terrifies me.  What will the defense say?  That at at 12 years old I wanted it?  From what I've heard, this is exactly what the defense says.  And a lot of the time the jury believes them.

So yes, I'm terrified.  I'm also ill at the moment.  It is the worst possible time to be ill.  I need to have all my wits about me for the trial, I can't afford to be ill at the trial.  So off to the doctor's I go.  Let's hope that I'm better in a few weeks.

The trial is constantly on my mind.  Which means that what he did to me is constantly on my mind.  It's making me tired, scared and drained.  But I've found something else to take my mind off it.  I'm hosting a murder mystery part on the Saturday after the trial for my birthday.  I'm throwing myself in to organising it, as it helps to take my mind off it.  It also gives me something to look forward to.  I'm dreading the trial, but I'm looking forward to my party.

And I know that no matter what happens at the trial, no matter what the results are (which I should find out on the Friday), I'm going to have a great party and have fun.  I'm going to move on with my life, and I'm going to enjoy my life.

He took my innocence and my childhood.  I'll be damned if he's taking the rest of my life as well.